Call for inputs (deadline Dec. 15, 2022) https://www.ohchr.org/en/calls-for-input/2022/call-inputs-custody-cases-violence-against-women-and-violence-against-children
I am writing in response to your call for inputs regarding custody cases and parental alienation. You can find my personal story of alienation here, https://nymensactionnetwork.org/2022/12/a-story-of-parental-alienation/ but I submit not as an individual but as an advocate for parents suffering in the current (anti) family courts. I include my bona fides at the end of this testimony.
First I must call out your bias in this review. You focus on violence against women and children, specifically violence in the home, ignoring the fact that what is occurring in family courts is the violent removal of one parents rights and the violent removal of a child from one parent and that parents family tree. It is the sole custody decree which causes this. This focus on false allegations of parental alienation (PA) ignores the fact that PA occurs to both mothers and fathers. It also ignores that men are also the victims of domestic violence. I ask is there a Special Rapporteur on violence against men? If not, why not?
My (former) organization, FaFNY, was an educational and advocacy organization working towards shared parenting arrangements to be the norm in NYS. Based in Albany, NY we were the umbrella organization for various father, mother, grand parent, and children’s organization. In fact my earliest introduction to PA was by “Elizabeth” who was with the NYC Chapter of the Children’s Rights Council. An alienated mother herself, she explained to me that my ex was using alienating actions similar to what her ex had done to her.
I also attended the Battered Mother Custody Conference (BMCC) which was held annually in the Albany area and am familiar with the discussions around their opposition to PA. I noted there that many of the non custodial mothers were the victim of PA in their personal cases. I note for the record that PA is NOT recognized in NYS Courts. That said, individual actions to undermine the other parents relationship with the child can be entered as evidence of a need for primary physical possession with one or the other parent. This is what happened to the NY mothers who lost custody of their children, many involving multiple false allegations of child sexual abuse which were determined by the courts to be false, the parent put on notice to stop, and when they didn’t then a change of custody occurred.
If shared parenting was the norm we would not have an issue of a parent denied access to their children. And in our proposed presumption of shared parenting legislation in NYS the evidence of child or spousal abuse was a listed factor in denying shared parenting and awarding sole custody to one parent. I believe this evidenced based method is the best way to determine the need for placement with one parent over the other and absent a showing of abuse the presumption of shared parenting should be used in the best interest of the child.
Many of the earlier pioneers in researching PA did not advocate a change in the custodial arrangement unless the actions were severe and harmful to the child and instead advocated for family counseling by professionals to reduce the conflict between parents and decrease and eliminate any negative impacts to the child. Exaggerated and outright false allegations run rampant in family courts which never punish for even the most egregious provable cases. In my years of advocacy I know of no cases where an allegation of abuse resulted in a loss of custody of children.
Those opposed to PA claim that it is a ruse used by abusive fathers/husbands to gain custody and I am sure that there are cases where an abusive spouse, husband or wife, attempts to use the legal process to exclude the other parent. My personal case of three years of litigation to deny me access to my children by a physically abusive spouse provided anecdotal evidence of this. Again the solution to this problem is evidence based family court decisions and absent a showing of abuse or neglect on the part of one parent, a presumption of shared parenting.
My attendance at the BMCC revealed that many attendees advocated for ignoring the rulings of family courts and some even openly talked of custodial interference and development of an “underground” support network. About half of the attendees who suffered loss of custody suffered that fate due to the fact NY is a sole custody state and their spouses happened to be among the 15% of fathers who win custody. They would have been helped by a shared parenting law.
A 1986 study on bias against women in the courts found blatant bias against MEN with well over 80% of custody awarded to mothers. Using the family courts own report I was able to determine that 80% of Orders of Protection (OOP) were dismissed or withdrawn with many of the remaining OOP’s mutual orders of conduct against both parties. False allegations of child and spousal abuse run rampant in family courts, the solution, as it is for PA, is proper adjudication of the evidence in the case.
As a victim of physical abuse I was again victimized when my reports were ignored. I was then victimized by multiple false allegations of abuse which were never sanctioned and thus continued and I was further abused by PA, incessant bad mouthing and denigration of me to my children. Ironically, even given all that I would not have restricted my ex to our children and would have been satisfied in a shared parenting arrangement.
Given the biases against men in custody awards I expect that a portion of the men who win custody use tactics, such as PA, to gain an advantage. So even if we dismiss fathers who are alienated from their children, the fact that mothers are similarly situated and alienated would dismiss any and all theories that PA is a male sex linked activity to abuse women.